Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE!

Heading home from work the other day I thought, "Hm, boy, I feel like crap!" I don't usually have headaches and this one had been there for a day and a half, my ears were ringing in a definite A above high C tone, and I could feel my pulse pounding in my temples.

Being the physician that I think I am (
degree from the prestigious School of TV Doctor Shows) I decided I probably had a blood pressure issue going on or...an extravagant tumor in an unlikely place that would put me on the next Lifetime-movie-to-be-filmed cue.
Luckily Most Mediocre Husband (will explain title in another post later on) had a blood pressure cuff from life before me and w
e hooked the baby up and played doctor!
The numbers were not so hot...actually, they were off the chart. 188/120 to start with. OK, another lisiniprol, a muscle relaxant and a prone position with OMMMMMM running through my head. Two hours later, 164/110, we're on the path to recovery. Meanwhile, I called the Real Doctor (Mandy *cute name, huh!) and
ended up making an appointment for the next day. Or today as it turns out.

No, I am not stressed over anything major, no, I am having no marital prob
lems and no, I have not been overdoing it on the salt. Ergo, with the reading being 135/95 in the office today, we'll add a beta blocker to the ace inhibitor, we'll take today and tomorrow off and spend it prone and in complete submission to the more mellower things in life, and yes, we will start walking 45 minutes to an hour every day and yes, we will work on losing some of this weight and then join a gym and start to approach Nirvana. Or, as the picture shows, "Mother Teresa-hood."

Prepare yourself, folks, I am sure the blood pressure will drop, hopefully the weight will drop, I will live without pizza and 'Friday night movies and Chinese (OK, not real Chinese, egg foo yung...m-m-m-m!) I will eat more fruits and vegetables and I will eliminate all of the things that I have not already eliminated prior to this, but, I absolutely refuse to put on a blue scarf and adopt a healthy, beatific attitude (see illustration) and will always reserve my right to sarcasm, pessimism and a sullen demeanor as this is my destined path in the world.

And, that, as they say, is THAT!

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