PRINCESS WILD COW

NEW ADDRESS....

2010-01-10T17:36:00.001-06:00

2009-09-22T01:29:00.001-05:00

b3e8gpkcay

THIS IS THE DAWNING OF....

2009-08-10T09:26:00.006-05:00

I had one just like this back in what I call "The Good Old Days." I refer to them as the good old days as in the drugs and sex were a hell of a lot safer and hitchhiking was still a viable means of transportation. No more. Mine did not have the external decorations--I needed no more to call attention to my lavender-tinted-octagonal-glasses wearing self. I managed to get arrested only once in the van. Add that to the three times for protesting the war in Viet Nam and today I could be in prison for life. What happened to Pat Brown and the Age of Aquarius? Never mind, I just looked in the mirror and saw what happened, not trusting anyone over 30 turned into "Oh, my god, I don't trust anyone under thirty!#$@"
I can see myself now in the assisted living transitional nursing home abode, rolling around in my wheel chair wanting my Beatles and Rolling Stones Stones turned up a little bit louder, demanding munchies instead of meals and, dammit, bring on my drugs!

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE, HASN'T IT?

2009-08-03T13:08:00.003-05:00

General malaise seems to be the operative mood of the day.

It may be a case of the ongoing weather, a grey period which has lasted for the entire summer...well, except for a couple of days, not nearly enough to be able to call this a summer. It might relate to the aging process of most sixty-two year olds, the arthritic hips, the memory drop outs, the inability to read small print or even not so small print. Or, who knows it could just be the way the world is.

I hate writing about feelings. Hell, I hate to admit that I have them. Maybe it isn't feelings that I am even talking about. Maybe it is just a feeling of time having passed and believing that there is so much more to do and I am trapped in a world of mundane living. Work, laundry, cook, shop, sleep, worry. Again and again and again. Okay, so that was a little dramatic, but sometimes it just seems that way. And sometimes I'm just morose. And sometimes the moodiness is just bad mood.

Is it disappointment? Or too much time remembering? Or not seeing what the "new" is going to be or where the "growth" is going to come from? Maybe it is just too many hours on Facebook or too many unpacked boxes or too many things that haven't changed that keep me from seeing the things that have. Is this a case of "poor me" and if it is, I better kick myself in the ass and get on with life since this is just not acceptable.

All suggestions are welcome. Jokes will help. And if you feel like you are suffering from this, also, give me a call, we'll mope together.

THE YEAR OF THE FEMALE EARTH OX

2009-02-25T14:37:00.002-06:00

It is Tibetan New Year today, however many are not celebrating due to the oppression in Tibet.

"Dharamsala, Jan. 25: While lauding the progress China has made in terms of political, economic and military might, the Tibetan leader Dalai Lama said China “cannot perform the responsibility of a super power in this modern and progressive world if there is no freedom, rule of law and transparency in the country.”

The Tibetan leader today sent an open letter to the Chinese people wishing them on the Chinese New Year or the Spring Festival. “On the occasion of the Chinese New Year, or the Spring Festival, I extend my affectionate greetings to all our Chinese brothers and sisters across the globe, including those living in Mainland China.”

The 73 year old Tibetan Nobel Laureate wrote that President Hu Jintao's policy of creating a harmonious society is indeed laudable but that “It cannot be brought about by brute force and autocracy.”

“Such a policy is indispensable for China as well, if it were to make a mark globally. Harmonious society should, however, come about through mutual trust, friendship and justice.”*

*Source: http://www.phayul.com/

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY...OH, WAIT, THAT WAS MIGHTY MOUSE...

2009-01-23T10:23:00.004-06:00

I had my cape on yesterday. It is invisible to anyone but me. It only comes out when I need to be a "crimefighter" and do good for the world. That happened yesterday.

Most who know me know that I have worked for a major book retailer (Bunns and Noodle*Thanks Alison Bechdel) for the past eleven years. You also know that I amnot shy nor easily intimidated. That came in real handy yesterday.

We had a shoplifter who had taken the music department for hundreds of dollars of boxed sets of music before we caught him. He had not left the store at that time, but he was banned from the mall and the store. Those of us in the music department are constantly on the lookout for him.

Yesterday, as I was finishing a transaction with a customer, he came sauntering in, laying his shopping bag on the counter so that I could see that he wasn't stealing anything and headed over to the box sets. It was extremely busy in the store and I was the only one in the department at the time. I gave a call over the intercom for a manager, but they didn't know it was for something as important as this and they were busy, so no one came right away.

I finished the transaction with my customer and came from behind the counter and walked up to the man as he was stuffing something down the back of his pants. I stopped right in front of him, held my hand out and asked him for what he was stealing.

I suppose now is the time I should point out that this man was 6'2", 250 lbs. and 35 years old. I am 5'6", 200 lbs. and 61 years old. And, I am no one to be messed with. I, after all, grew up on the streets of LA and can hold my own with anyone.

He looked at me and mumbled something that I didn't understand and just stood there. I reached around behind him and pounded on the boxed set he had down the back of his pants, looked back up into his face with my hand outstretched and demanded that he give me what he was stealing. I guess he figured he wasn't going to get past me, so he reluctantly reached behind his back and pulled out a $60 box set of Broadway musical songs. I took it from him and headed back behind the counter and along the way grabbed his shopping bag from the counter.

That got a reaction out of him. "Give me my bag, I've only got magazines in there and I paid for them." Right. I told him there was probably more stolen merchandise in the bag and wanted to see. Well, this is when good thinking took over from bravado and when he grabbed the bag from my hand I just let him take it. He headed out of the store with me directly behind him.

Other staff then noticed what was happening, but by this time he was out the front door. I explained to the manager what had happened and got the response that I probably shouldn't have done that (in retrospect, there might be a little bit of truth in that) and my safety was the most important thing. I explained that I truly felt that I was in charge of the situation and at any time that I had felt uncomfortable, I would have backed down and did.

I wish I had a video of the whole thing...

Opening scene: 61 year old, feisty broad looking up into the face of a young, 6'2", 250 lb. perp (hey, gotta get that crime jargon in there) demanding return of stolen property or else.

It wasn't until I saw it in my own mind that I realized how ridiculous it must have looked. Oh well, not on my watch is some young punk going to rip me (okay, the store) off. So, if any of you crime types are out there, be aware, I will stop your ass and put you in your place. Granny for justice has spoken.

BOOK REVIEW OF THE WEEK

2009-01-16T16:07:00.001-06:00

ONCE AGAIN TO ZELDA Every once in a while, I will post some information about what I have been reading, but only if it is something that

I am willing to admit I have read
I think you will enjoy
I couldn't put down.Okay, maybe I could have put it down but i makes me look smart if I read it.

I now know why I will never be a writer. While I have suffered, it is obvious from this book that I have not suffered enough.

The stories behind the dedications to the books listed run from the tragic, to the more than tragic, to the most horrible thing I have ever heard. The authors are listed in chronological order and as we approach the present, the suffering does diminish somewhat. The real tragedy was that I missed the tragedy, I missed the suffering, I missed the mayhem of the dedications.

If you love books, gossip and information that is only needed to win a Trivial Pursuit Game (with others with the same literary addiction) then this is the book for you.

(Should be made into a movie, oh, hell, many of them already have! Sylvia, In Cold Blood, The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds, Shindler's List )

Read it...it's what we Minnesotans call a hoot..when we're not freezing our butts off that it.

HAND IT OVER, KEB' MO

2009-01-16T10:31:00.000-06:00

in which I complete a meme, the very first ever, stolen from blah blah blah-er

What does your music library say about you?

1. Put Your ipod on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song.

What do your friends think of you?
Take Me To The Mardi Gras, Paul Simon

If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Big Bad John, Jimmy Dean

How would you describe yourself?
Revolution, The Beatles

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Dance, Jimmy Cliff with Wyclef Jean

How do you feel today?
Little Village, Van Morrison

What is your life’s purpose?
Knockin' On Heaven's Door, Bob Dylan

What is your motto?
Chaingang Special, Sonny Terry

What do you think about very often?
Ain't No Sunshine, Aaron Neville

What is 2 + 2? To Kingdom Come, The Band

What do you think of your best friend?
Mannish Boy, Muddy Waters

What do you think of the person you like?
I've Been Working, Van Morrison

What is your life story?
People Get Ready, Ladysmith Black Mombazo

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Here Comes the Sun, The Beatles

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Great Balls of Fire, Jerry Lee Lewis

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Star Spangled Banner, Jimi Hendrix

What will they play at your funeral?
Big Bunch of Junkie, Sinead O'Connor

What is your hobby/interest?
Rockin' Robin, Bobby Day

What is your biggest fear?
Mucho Mungo, John Lennon

What is your biggest secret?
Midnight Special, Lead Belly

What will you post this as?
Hand it Over, Keb Mo'

WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY?

2009-01-14T13:27:00.000-06:00

That just about sums it up as far as I am concerned. I don't know that I want to be old physically since my mind still lingers in adolescence.

I reached this point via a number of roads. Bizarre childhood, youthful overindulgence, life on the edge for far too many years, medical practioner's incompetence and the "tough" attitude that I could and can do, eat, drink, overindulge in anything.

The price is somewhat of an aged lament of many I am certain. Many of my physical ailments are a result of being treated with steroids for a number of years for a disease I did not have, sports injuries, and plain old stupidity. Emotional problems stem from crazy childhood, escapist behavior and self medication. I have dealt with these issues the best I think I can...I can sleep in the dark, I don't smoke or drink anything that can put me in jail anymore, and the diet has been the funniest part.

Eating as many fats and calories only leads to stomach disorders, smoking of a variety of substances has led to CPD and the fact that I turn 62 next month means my days of youth and overindulgence are truly over.

Exercise is a weird option. Emphysema limits a great deal other than slow walking and moving. How much of that do you have to do to burn off a pound, much less fifty? Healthy meals seem to be a lot more troublesome and time consuming than a patty melt off a George Foreman Grill (slightly more healthy than frying, I suppose.) And why does philosophizing and book reading burn less calories than hunting and killing animals? Just doesn't seem fair, does it?

So, visits to the doctor increase exponentially, minor illnesses knock more of of the poop out of me and five hours of sleep a night just isn't enough. Ah, for the days of Hormel Chili and Cheese on Fritos for dinner. Oh, well...complaining and crankiness is just another symptom of getting old, so watch out.

HOW WILL I EVER GET OUT OF THIS PLACE ALIVE?

2009-01-09T14:32:00.000-06:00

I have a developing psychosis, I believe. Those of you who know me may think you know what it is, but it isn't any of the easy ones. This one has to do with hoarding. Books, pens, CDs, old clothes, stuff I'll never use and yet can't get rid of.

I am doing better with the books. I am now able to give them away but not as fast as I can acquire them. Therefore, I am still at a losing pace. I even made a commitment to start going to the library. Which I did. But, the number of books in the house still increased by three.

Did I mention magazines. Cooking magazines? The ones I can never get to because I am too busy cleaning up the rest of the crap. I read them at night and my stomach growls and I plan on how I am going to make that herb stuffed turkey breast as soon as I can find the damn magazine again.

Clothes. Will I ever be a size 12 again? I doubt it. But, just in case, I still have those bell bottoms from 1975. I finally gave the beloved size 10 Levi jacket to my daughter. Maybe she will hoard it and vicariously pick up all of the vibes from the Led Zeppelin, Sly and the Family Stone, Dylan, Van Morrison concerts it attended with me. Hopefully, the embedded ganja smell has dissipated so she won't get arrested if the windows are rolled up and she is pulled over.

Kitchen crap. How many mixing bowls can a pseudo-chef use? And, I think I've used the mandolin once. (Those of you who saw the blog before it crashed and burned might remember the bleeding thumb picture.) The cast iron pans are still in a stack in the basement somewhere. Yet, if I could find them there would be no room for them in the kitchen anyway as the Foreman Grill, rice cooker, waffle iron, two crockpots, blender, etc. take up all the space.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could just get my sh*t together once and for all? The internet is wonderful...so wonderful that I have begun to hoard links. Firefox lets me "organize" my bookmarks in the most wonderful way, and as soon as I find that Korean language site again, I'll start studying that.

Meanwhile, I will continue to be happy that I am graced with an understanding husband, a mind that somewhat justifies the accumulation of all this crap by answering Jeopardy questions in a speedy fashion and the vision of the day of my death when all of the rest of you are running down the road trying to get your hands on all of these treasures for yourself. Why wait till I'm dead, drop by now and just take some stuff when you leave. I'm sure I will never notice.

What I Really, Really Want

2009-01-01T19:45:00.000-06:00

So, what do these things have in common? Let's see...I want them both. One is the unchallenged, over the top iphone. Now, those of you who know me know how much I hate the phone. I am constantly losing it, letting it go dead, hanging up on people who call or flat out rejecting the call because I picked the damn thing up wrong. But, is it really a phone? Hell, NO! It's a mini-computer that is something I could play with all day long.

What does a 61 year old woman need with a toy like this...baby, this ain't got nothing to do with need. The primary word is WANT...like right now, in my hand, let me shake it, turn it sideways, figure out how to post to Facebook from it, read my important email from Freecycle and look as cool as any grey hair can look with earphones in her ears while getting down to Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" (Honest, honey, if I can have an iphone I promise I will learn that dance in time for our anniversary!) (Or, my birthday.) (Or, yours.) (Or, NOT!)

Okay, now onto picture number two. Most of you know that Jewels moved to Albuquerque last fall and while I'm sure I will see her some day, I kind of have started wanting a new dog now. And, I'm not talking about a new puppy that's all cute and cuddly, I want a rescue dog that will bring out the Dog Whisperer in me and put me back in the pack leader position. Kim has hinted that winter isn't the best time to get a new dog. (Make that insisted.) I have mentioned it so often that I came up with the idea that if I started asking for a horse, it would be much easier for him to say yes to a dog.

Well, it has been an uphill battle and the words "wait until spring" don't mean much to me when I really, really want a puppy, NOW! I thought I had gotten somewhere when he started asking all of those pre-dog questions...Do you promise to take it for walks? Will you clean up after it when it does its business in the yard? And on and on in that teasing-me-as-if-I-were-nine-years-old way. The nerve.

So, no ipod and no dog...I'll be marking off the days on the calendar cause I know that I am spoiled rotten and my birthday is coming up and February (birthday month) is almost spring and when I get my present I will certainly need something to take pictures of it with and e-mail immediately to all my friends and family...Makes sense to me. How about you?

YOUTUBE AND THE DOWNFALL OF THE WORLD

2008-12-08T16:33:00.000-06:00

YouTube will be the downfall of the world, not online games or television or drugs or any of those other things we were warned about in the sixties. The following is a prime example:

However, this is the one that will knock your socks off:

Sarah's New Holiday Dance...You Betcha

As part of my Holiday exercise regime and as a gift for my hubby, I will be taking on the role played by the young man in the video...I'll call you all and let you know when I will be taking it on the road.

THIS IS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BELIEVE

2008-10-23T22:33:00.000-05:00

WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR WORLD?

Click on the picture and read an article that made me shake my head in disbelief. There are times when I wonder if we deserve this beautiful Earth Mother that we have.

I WENT TO COURT TODAY

2008-10-17T11:28:00.000-05:00

NO, I WASN'T ARRESTED BUT IT WOULD HAVE SERVED ME RIGHT IF I HAD BEEN! (FOR ALL THOSE THINGS I GOT AWAY WITH AS A KID)

I was there with a friend on a city code violation and had a look at court for the first time in over thirty years. Lucky me! The entire thing was eye-opening and again hammered home just how old I have become.

In the "old" days, going to court meant best clothes (church worthy,) clean hair and hands, shoes with socks (no sandals) and definitely no jeans with rips, holes, grime, or hanging down to the knees.

Now, I am no fashion plate, nor am I a giant fan of authority, but I was totally blown away! At least two of my anti-war disturbing the peace, trespassing charges also included resisting arrest. Yeah, it was hippie time and I don't regret a one of them. It would have been appropriate, had I gone to court, to wear my best hippie skirt and blouse, be clean and add the "Yes, sir" when appropriate...(no female judges in those days and the reasons for not going to court will be explained, if you're really interested.)

Anyway, there were approximately 25 people set to go before the judge. It was an arraignment hearing, so the whole thing about testimony and cross examination wasn't there. You either had to plead guilty or innocent and get sentenced or told when your next trial date would be. A few of the charges were related to no proof of insurance or driving after suspension. The majority were for drinking offenses...primarily underage consumption (we are a college town) and other alcohol related issues.

I've had my issues with alcohol in the past, but it now seems that the majority of cases going through the courts are alcohol related. And, with an attitude. The only kid (since they were all under 21 I have no regret in calling them kids, but it doesn't allay their responsibility) that was dressed appropriately for the hearing was one young man wearing an obviously new blue shirt (wrinkles still intact from packaging) and a pair of black tuxedo pants. He made an attempt. The young women disappointed me totally. The examples seen here are dress jeans compared to what I saw in court today...not to mention the "thongs" and midriffs that were showing.

Then came the communication problem. "Your Honor" was not said once...nor was "yes, ma'am" or "no, ma'am." Instead was the ongoing guttural responses consisting of "yup, nope, yeah, uh huh and uh..." I heard one "Thank you." The rest of the time I heard a variety of communication that could be best described as close to nonsensical.

Where was Judge Judy? I wanted her there! Not only to find all of them guilty with no leniency, but to also tack on an added fine for poor posture, communication skills, and for not having a mirror in their house so that they could see what they looked like before they presented themselves in court.

The judge this morning, however, showed more tolerance and acceptance than I ever would. And, she probably accomplished a lot more with her ability to accept everyone and deal with them fairly. However, I am going to suggest that I be the grammar coach, clothes critic and general bad hand for these kids. It was more than scary.

I LOVED HER IN SPITE OF THE WARTS! OR MAYBE BECAUSE OF!

2008-09-22T14:20:00.000-05:00

I had to put my doggy to "sleep" last Thursday. She was old and only getting older. She had hip dysplasia and had spent the last few years of her life becoming even more sedentary and listless. She still played a bit with Kim and jumped for her treats and it was the kind of old age that I kind of looked forward to. Special food, lavish attention and treats just for standing up.

Her hips were getting worse and we had a number of conversations about what would determine the "end." Okay, when she no longer appeared to be able to have any fun. Or, was in pain. Or, incontinent. What we didn't realize was that it would all happen at once.

I had been sick with asthma and the secondary effects of emphysema for a week. I was missing work about every other day and had decided to take Thursday off since walking and breathing were becoming next to impossible. Usually when I am sick, Jewels would come in and lay her head on the bed and give me a get well lick or two. Her back left leg had been more sensitive than usual and she had stayed pretty close to her living room sprawling spot.

To get her outside for her bathroom duties required pulling out her leash and convincing her that we were going someplace pretty exciting. And, having Kim pick up her rear end. We decided to take her to the vets. As soon as we walked in the door, I knew it was over. Just one of those impending doom feelings that turn out right far too often.

After the X-ray and diagnosis of bone cancer we knew for sure. Taking her home was out of the question. We would have to go through at least one more painful trip for her and that just wasn't okay. So, Kim went to the van and got her blankie, we put in on the floor and got her to lie down and I got down right beside her and held her in my arms as the vet gave the shot. It was good to hear her labored breathing ease into a relaxed sigh. I watched as her eyes slowly closed and cried as I said good-bye.

I only hope that we had given her all that she deserved. She could have given us no more than she had. Our Jewelsie is gone and we are getting on. Tears still fall, I swear I hear her panting in the other room, and I have yet to walk passed the living room without looking for her in her favorite spot. Unfortunately, these things will pass. I don't know if I will get another dog. It's too fresh right now.

So, doggie heaven be damned...she's in a doggie castle with hordes of lackeys bringing her bacon and liver and popcorn and she doesn't have to do anything but look at the door waiting for us to walk in.

2008-09-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

Walks like a duck, talks like a duck and has feathers around its ass!

2008-09-11T19:04:00.000-05:00

Bet he would have had something to say!

2008-09-08T12:22:00.000-05:00

I FEEL BETTER NOW

2008-08-19T21:46:00.000-05:00

LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH...

2008-08-19T12:07:00.000-05:00

I don't want my anger over the Chinese human rights policies to in any way diminish what these young people have worked for over many years of training. The Olympics have always been the one area where my latent nationalism was always triggered. And, in the reality of the world, it is not only the policies of the Chinese in the areas of human rights who deserve to be viewed as villainous. In almost every country this is becoming an increasing burden to society.

One only has to go to The Human Rights Watch website to see that this is a universal problem. To expect that the International Olympic Committee could make decisions regarding the ethical decision to be made in view of their own scandal ridden past.

Things are just so complicated today. But, then again, they have always probably been complicated. There is a universal connectivity that disallows one single activity to stand alone. When addressed in this fashion I see the problem as having been instituted with the origins of classism and racism. While these are listed here separately, it is easy to see that through the ages these have become so intertwined that it difficult to see them as separate entities.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights as adopted by the United Nations sums up just exactly how the world and its inhabitants should approach relationships with others. The fact that, since the beginning of history, this has never occurred does not preclude it from ever happening. I would like to be able to say that this begins with each and every one of us individually and we are the only ones who can stop the decline of society. While it does begin with each and every one of us, it is also very important the we not let an opportunity to stop an injustice from occuring pass by without action. This is not an easy responsibility to take on. It can take a jovial conversation amongst friends to a dead stop in less than a millisecond. It can mean speaking to stranges in a respectful and firm manner that such words, actions, beliefs are not to be accepted as correct. It may mean that the anger that the individual is expressing towards others is turned toward you. It is still the responsibility of each and every one of us to stay within a calm spirit and hold that knowledge does not come easily to all of us.

I would like to not have to remind children that words being used are painful, I would like to not have to tell strangers that the words they are using are hurtful to others, I would like to be able to be certain that I don't harbor some of these thoughts and it is my responsibility to not act on them or repeat them. These things have been said so many times before in so much more elegant ways and yet it is something that I believe had to be addressed again so that I could move back to superficial things and let some of this pain go so that I can experience joy that is not always tinged with sorrow.

Peace.

JUST A STORY ABOUT A GIRL AND GUILT

2008-08-08T21:43:00.000-05:00

It is the opening of the Olympics and I found myself watching the opening ceremoinies in spite of my misgivings. They were truly amazing.

And then, these came to mind:

It's pretty tough having mixed feelings in a complicated world where thousands are displaced, imprisoned and silenced so that I can see some pretty dance moves and amazing visions of electronic magic.

I wish I hadn't watched. I wish I were shallow.

ADDENDA: DEE HAS AN ENTRY THAT MUST BE SEEN AND SUMS UP THE ENTIRE FIASCO OF THE OLYMPICS.

I HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE!

2008-08-06T12:24:00.000-05:00

Heading home from work the other day I thought, "Hm, boy, I feel like crap!" I don't usually have headaches and this one had been there for a day and a half, my ears were ringing in a definite A above high C tone, and I could feel my pulse pounding in my temples.

Being the physician that I think I am (degree from the prestigious School of TV Doctor Shows) I decided I probably had a blood pressure issue going on or...an extravagant tumor in an unlikely place that would put me on the next Lifetime-movie-to-be-filmed cue.
Luckily Most Mediocre Husband (will explain title in another post later on) had a blood pressure cuff from life before me and we hooked the baby up and played doctor!
The numbers were not so hot...actually, they were off the chart. 188/120 to start with. OK, another lisiniprol, a muscle relaxant and a prone position with OMMMMMM running through my head. Two hours later, 164/110, we're on the path to recovery. Meanwhile, I called the Real Doctor (Mandy *cute name, huh!) and ended up making an appointment for the next day. Or today as it turns out.

No, I am not stressed over anything major, no, I am having no marital problems and no, I have not been overdoing it on the salt. Ergo, with the reading being 135/95 in the office today, we'll add a beta blocker to the ace inhibitor, we'll take today and tomorrow off and spend it prone and in complete submission to the more mellower things in life, and yes, we will start walking 45 minutes to an hour every day and yes, we will work on losing some of this weight and then join a gym and start to approach Nirvana. Or, as the picture shows, "Mother Teresa-hood."

Prepare yourself, folks, I am sure the blood pressure will drop, hopefully the weight will drop, I will live without pizza and 'Friday night movies and Chinese (OK, not real Chinese, egg foo yung...m-m-m-m!) I will eat more fruits and vegetables and I will eliminate all of the things that I have not already eliminated prior to this, but, I absolutely refuse to put on a blue scarf and adopt a healthy, beatific attitude (see illustration) and will always reserve my right to sarcasm, pessimism and a sullen demeanor as this is my destined path in the world.

And, that, as they say, is THAT!

2008-07-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

EAR SEX

Okay, after you have gone to a bad place in your brain you may continue reading.

I have had a love affair with Q-Tips for years. After a shower I must immediately take a Q-tip and dry out my ears. It is an experience that does bring to mind a bit of pleasure that causes me to half close my eyes, my head will tilt back and if I am not careful, I have been known to make sighs of pleasure.

At this point all of you are reacting in one of three ways...

“Don't you know you aren't supposed to clean your ears with Q-Tips?”

“Too much information...stop, please, stop!”

or both. I have always expected that if I wasn't careful I would develop hair on my palms from the practice.

I don't get this thing about not using Q-tips to clean or dry your ears. I have been doing it for over 40 years. What the hell were they made for? I have never hurt myself or my ears with a Q-tip. Maybe the box should come with a warning...

”Do not use if you are subject to seizures.”

“Do not use if you have ever put your eye out with a BB gun.”

“Do not use if you have never operated a pencil, potato peeler, toothbrush, needle and thread or put a key into the ignition of a car.”

So, all I want to know is this, of those of you who have broken the rule about Q-tips in the ear, does it feel as good to you as it does to me?

2008-07-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

BACK IN THE DAYS

When I watched this all I could think of was what I would have been saying in 1969. It went something like this:
"Hey, man, I got an idea."
"Huh, how about some popcorn?"
"No, let's mix up some corn starch and water on a cookie sheet and set it on top of that DLK 150."
"What? Let's just make cookies."
"Wait, you won't believe this..."
"Hey, don't bogart that joint man....WOW, look at that!"
Thanks to:

BoingBoing

(Original link lost...subsituted another one...still funny.)

2008-07-07T11:41:00.001-05:00

BOOKS

Larry McMurtry has a new memoir out. I liked the title and picked it up to read the blurbs. Apparently he lived a "Texas childhood in an isolated, 'totally bookless' ranch house." He has since gone on to collect over 28,000 books and become quite a connoisseur of books and their values. I picked it up at the bookstore to look at and add to a "to read" list in my head and then started thinking of my own personal adventure with books and reading.

I remember, in a displaced memory type of way, of learning to read before I started school. I had a "babysitter," a retired school teacher who always wore black and smelled of some faint, dusty flower. I don't remember any of the details, she taught me to "color," also. (Always outline in black, stay within the lines and short strokes of waxy crayon that never turned out as nice as I wanted it to. Hypercritical, even in those days.)

Then I remember school. I believe it was first grade as kindergarten was not necessarily available in the time and place that I existed. And the book. The book, that to this day, I cannot bring myself to think about or read or recommend. The one with the repetitive line..."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." Screw that little train. I knew the book by heart as I had to listen to it daily during "nap time." And, even at the age of seven, I knew it possessed a simplistic message that would mean nothing to me in the bizarre life that I was living.

There were also no books in my home. There was alcohol, arguing, bugs, anger, and in addition to no books, no hugging, snuggling or any sort of "nice touch." I grew in my head, my world was in my head, my life was in my own world. There were no books to escape into.

Somewhere around the third grade books came into "existence." It could have been because of Miss McClellan, my page-boyed, blonde third grade teacher. (Yes, it was my first first crush!) She loaned me books to take home. I started to read. Constantly. Hiding in closets. Sneaking books out of the house under my skirt with my legs clamped tightly together. Sneaking into other people's garages and discovering stashes of Popular Science and True Crime magazines. Through all of the books that were available for "young readers" and then moving on to Reader's Digest condensed novels in the homes of the children I babysat for.

It went on and on, until, finally someone gave me my very own book. I was in the 7th or 8th grade. It was an encyclopedia of science of sorts. it had a hard back and front and the pages were held together with metal rivets since it was so thick. I loved this book. I read it front to back, back to front, and hid it constantly so that it would never be found in the 'wrong' place and confiscated.

I was hooked. And to this day I have books with me always. I work in a bookstore and have on and off, full and part time for the past 35 years. I have stacks of books to read, stacks of books read and stacks of books to pass on to others. (Yes, I have finally developed the ability to let some books go. This does not count the boxes of books yet to be unpacked from my life altering marriage a year and a half ago. (As he helped me unpack my books at my previous home, before I had truly fallen in love with him, it was his comments on the books that I owned that pushed me further towards him.)

And now, as my daughter says, "You'll have to read when you're dead." resounds in my head, I still compulsively touch, rearrange, and continue to puchase books...

Whoever would I have been without them?

2008-03-14T14:56:00.000-05:00

MARRIED FOR A YEAR ... (and some)

Well, it has been over a year and time takes on a whole new perspective. While I work less hours, I have found that my slovenly, single ways have required almost a year's worth of retraining. And, I still don't have it down. Yes, there will be pictures.

My ADD doesn't help matters much. We have read the books, he has become incredibly patient and I, well, I try.

The following is a picture of dear hubbie's office desk...

Notice the clean work space, the "everything in its place" ambience and general sense of orderliness. This also goes a long way to describe him. (Although it was my OC disorder that organized his clothes by color.)

And, here is mine...

No, this picture was not taken immediately following a tornado. This is the totality of my organizational structure. Now, if you were to enter the office you would immediately notice how everything is within arm's reach. Except for the refrigerator, which is uptairs in the kitchen. (Hmmm, since I am banished to the basement maybe I should get one of those mini ones.)

As for food, well, I have put on 20 pounds. Instead of my previous regular dinners of chips and salsa or anything else that could be prepared in 5 minutes or less, I am cooking. And eating. And cooking good. And eating more! The living room now has a mini-trampoline that is supposed to melt the pounds off of my bulky butt. Oh, yeah, I have to jump on it. I'll be starting soon.

The whole thing has been great, though. Instead of wasting those first three marriages on assholes, I should have just waited for this one. Maybe I have matured. Maybe it was just the right time at the right place with the right people. Whatever it was, I have never been happier.